AND IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'VE SEEN TOO MUCH IN TOO FEW YEARS

              Nerves , I have had episodes of my life with too few and too much of them but over the past few they are like an enemy to me , an adversary , though one that teaches as it plots .

             Cold days are the worst , they awaken the beast and I become acutely aware of each and every feeling on my affected side . I feel the nerve impulses rocketing up and down my body , they shock the limbs that have felt so little for too long and they pound against the walls of my brain , no longer welcome in their former home .

             The brain however , is quite aware that it's former child is knocking at the door . The frustration of one million pieces of information , that which the brain craves and requires , assault it's defenses so continuously is painful , on too many levels . The old grey matter is subjected , post - stroke to an obscene amount of unfamiliar pain . Emotional pain , nerve pain and even the raw and devastating pain of the amputation of identity . This exists , I was robbed of the man that I once was , an imperfect individual certainly but one that I had known since birth , had grown up with and I possessed no power over this degrading insult , the pain that it causes is as deep and haunting as any that I have ever known and there is nothing but an invisible , unseen entity to blame .

              I have no nefarious figure to hate , no evil villain to plan against , no masked assailants to get all Helsinki over , confusion and fear are a form of pain too for just the right brain , one that knows so intimately what scares and terrifies , which buttons to push .

                One constant remains though my dear fellow survivors and that is that I do what it is that we all do , I survive . Getting through this fog of change and the unexpected is our thing and if we are fortunate , we learn from it , from the effect upon our bodies , our minds and then , should this same mix of challenges mount once more against us , it will not find a surprised and unsuspecting adversary cowering in it's path but a force that is prepared for it's best .

                   This brain of yours has been a mystery , especially lately but it has been with us for as long as we remember and that memory is knowledge and knowledge is power in this fight . Learn from it and use all that you learn , see you on the battlefield  Phil .