FROZEN SOUL , FROZEN DOWN TO THE CORE

                Now , I am a Canadian and that means that I have either all rights to complain about the cold or that I have no right at all , never the less , I will most likely apologize for complaining anyway . I have never really liked the cold very much , as a result of my heritage , I understand it's necessity and I accept it's place in the cycles of my life . I dress warm , in layers and I know how to walk on ice , in true Canadian fashion , if and when I do fall on ice , it is unlikely that I will spill either coffee or beer when I do .

             In 2014 when my life was diverted into Strokeland , I found that not only are the nights here cold , Winter finds us everywhere , and stroke cold is worse thanm regular cold , It intensifies , it plays puppeteer with affected limbs , sends nerve impulses rocketing like high - speed trains , too fast for the tracks in our brains . The frigid demons twist at our anxieties , it nudges panic ever closer to the edge of reason and muscles to the painful point of nearly breaking .

              Turning up the heat helps nothing , icy tendrils creep off from the frosty buildup on windows , drafts , the envelope of fresh on a visitor's coat .  The saddest method of all is the suggestion made by a weatherman on T.V. , a glimpse of falling snow beyond the window glass . It is our thoughts , we know the feeling of cold , carry it's memory with us . Our own brain can make us shiver on a sunny beach , can make our fingers numb with a whisper to our nervous system . All that we know , the trial , the error , our learned behaviours and responses , our experience , these things are yours , are in our war chests...but the brain keeps a chest of it's own filled with our same weapons , for it knows our defences so very well .

                    I know all of this , have learned it the way that I learn most things " Looked easy , wasn't and it hurt over a stupid long time " I understand how my brain is working counter to what I believe that I want , my eyes are open , inward and out .
" BUT I AM STILL COLD DAMMIT ! "

           Canadian SOCIAL CONVENTION DICTATES THAT I APOLOGIZE AT THIS POINT , in case any are offended and someone out there probably is .  You can put on a sweater or crank up the heat if you want to my dear fellow survivors but the real thermostat that needs some calibration is the one in the asttic .                        Bundle up folks it's a cold one out there . Phil .