AND WE ALL MAKE OUR CHOICES , LIKE A BLIND MAN FEELS HIS WAY , AND THE CHOICE 'VE MADE IS SIMPLE , PASSION OVER PAIN
I was lying there , as alone as one can be in a hospital but more alone than I had ever felt before . The realization that a half of my body no longer worked weighing heavily , when from the edge of the dark abyss came the question " And what if it never works again ? "
I hated that question , that voice , that place but though I tried ...the question remained " What if ? " in a voice that sounded like my own , what if ? I still hear it at times and my first defiant " No " has now become a scream with all that I can manage" NO !!! " and it was that simple , one word answer that determined my place , my lane if you will on the long , rocky , recovery highway .
I was lying there , as alone as one can be in a hospital but more alone than I had ever felt before . The realization that a half of my body no longer worked weighing heavily , when from the edge of the dark abyss came the question " And what if it never works again ? "
I hated that question , that voice , that place but though I tried ...the question remained " What if ? " in a voice that sounded like my own , what if ? I still hear it at times and my first defiant " No " has now become a scream with all that I can manage" NO !!! " and it was that simple , one word answer that determined my place , my lane if you will on the long , rocky , recovery highway .
It is hard this lane , I would not switch though if I could . It is long , it is slow and it hurts , it hurts really badly and although I do not travel it alone and my pain is shared , I will never stop because if I do that lonely voice just gets louder in the distance .
Yesterday , for the second time since my entry in the 'one legged man in an ass kicking contest I did a thing that I had only ever been forced to do once before On this occasion I let go of railing and cane and I walked jerkily on my own and even though it hurts today the feeling is still within me that a part of that chair bound individual took flight somehow . My walk was not pretty , not graceful or regular but every step is remembered , seared into the brain of the man who once heard that voice .
There's a place up ahead , iot is sunny and grassy and if one sits on the right side , there is no view of this damned highway , no echo from the abyss . I'll be sprawled there my dear fellow survivors , bring coffee...and maybe a little Van Halen Phil.
Yesterday , for the second time since my entry in the 'one legged man in an ass kicking contest I did a thing that I had only ever been forced to do once before On this occasion I let go of railing and cane and I walked jerkily on my own and even though it hurts today the feeling is still within me that a part of that chair bound individual took flight somehow . My walk was not pretty , not graceful or regular but every step is remembered , seared into the brain of the man who once heard that voice .
There's a place up ahead , iot is sunny and grassy and if one sits on the right side , there is no view of this damned highway , no echo from the abyss . I'll be sprawled there my dear fellow survivors , bring coffee...and maybe a little Van Halen Phil.
No comments:
Post a Comment