I'M LEARNING TO WALK AGAIN , I BELIEVE I'VE WAITED LONG ENOUGH , WHERE DO I BEGIN

I'M LEARNING TO WALK AGAIN , I BELIEVE I'VE WAITED LONG ENOUGH , WHERE DO I BEGIN ?
fear
That feeling , that pure and natural gait as we walk , the weight of the leg aiding in the smooth movement of a step. God I want to feel it again. To enjoy the act of walking , to stroll , to cover distance in the way we were intended to , without the almost paralyzing fear and pain I feel now is a dream of mine.

Recovery , it is my focus these days . I push hard to .Make it happen , terrified at every step , will this body continue to deny me this process , once so instinctive , will I fall / will I let slip some small indication of the pain I feel ., causing a therapist to call a stop to my progress? Will this body , the traiterous thing , give up on me ?

Recently my therapy sessions have begun again, and coupled with the in-home work being done with me and with my own efforts to push through and walk as often as possible , .shit's about to ramp right up !! My nights filling even more with painful spasms and tightness remind me that there is a price to be paid for denying the stroke gods this victory
So my dear fellow survivors , I'd love to tell y'all that all you've endured was the worst of it , but moving forward hurts , hurts bad sometimes and the angry stroke gods do not like meddling , do not appreciate the arrogance recovery seems to inspire.

It ain't easy, I have beaten myself up regularly for not being further ahead after so long a time but every victorious moment has a cost , every jerky step forward causes two perfect and unnoticed steps backward. When we belly up to the bar at that old watering hole at the end of the recovery trail , I'll have a frosty one waiting for you , you tough mother you. Phil