I CAN'T SLEEP AND I LAY AND I THINK ,, THE NIGHT IS HOT AND BLACK AS INK
I see the looks in their eyes , see them in my mind , where I am most broken . I notice the awkward walk , the un moving arm ,, the eye that has ideas of it's own about where to look . I pick over each flaw and imperfection . In my mind's eye I see what I believe all others see .
I am wrong she tells me once more , I am projecting my own insecurity upon the blank screens around me . D...o I crave their acceptance ? I never did before , back when I was still me . Do I require the approval of others ?
I see the looks in their eyes , see them in my mind , where I am most broken . I notice the awkward walk , the un moving arm ,, the eye that has ideas of it's own about where to look . I pick over each flaw and imperfection . In my mind's eye I see what I believe all others see .
I am wrong she tells me once more , I am projecting my own insecurity upon the blank screens around me . D...o I crave their acceptance ? I never did before , back when I was still me . Do I require the approval of others ?
" You do not ! " a lonely voice whispers in the far back , dark somewhere . " The acceptance that you seek is not theirs , it is your own " a solemn monotone . Though I try , I still see only that which I blame upon those others .
I set out one day intent upon ' showing THEM ! ' I strike out stubbornly uphill , the grip on my cane more a weld that a clasp and someplace near the halfway mark I realize that my intention is to ' SHOW ME ! ' By the time I crest the hilltop that old ass that is dragging behind me feels that it has indeed been ' SHOWN '
No condescending little smile from passers by as I come back down , instead they receive a look from me that says " That's nothing you should see him as I have... and I got proven wrong " ...
Despite what we are told by the frustrated my dear fellow survivors , sometimes it actually is ' ALL ABOUT YOU ' and in that dark , quiet , mind theater of yours where you are the director , producer and the casting couch , stage manager , you have to stand back , watch the show , listen to the house and give the kid a break , the great ones project the essence of the role upon the blank canvas of the audience . See what you believe that you can be in their eyes , It all starts with you Phil.
I set out one day intent upon ' showing THEM ! ' I strike out stubbornly uphill , the grip on my cane more a weld that a clasp and someplace near the halfway mark I realize that my intention is to ' SHOW ME ! ' By the time I crest the hilltop that old ass that is dragging behind me feels that it has indeed been ' SHOWN '
No condescending little smile from passers by as I come back down , instead they receive a look from me that says " That's nothing you should see him as I have... and I got proven wrong " ...
Despite what we are told by the frustrated my dear fellow survivors , sometimes it actually is ' ALL ABOUT YOU ' and in that dark , quiet , mind theater of yours where you are the director , producer and the casting couch , stage manager , you have to stand back , watch the show , listen to the house and give the kid a break , the great ones project the essence of the role upon the blank canvas of the audience . See what you believe that you can be in their eyes , It all starts with you Phil.
No comments:
Post a Comment